I Become Hostage

I've never wanted kids. Is the one thing I always knew for sure. Always. Positive.  The biggest fear, besides the obvious (i.e. overpopulation, money, terrorism everywhere, the cartoon network that is our government and governments all around the globe), is the blinding fear of feeling trapped.  Because, I love freedom. Specially my freedom.

Now days , it's all I can think of.  People told me this would happen, and in my rebellious young naïveté, I would scoff and dismiss. But there's pregnant women all around me. Beautiful babies full of life and true joy. New mothers with a new purpose.  Most of them share an unspoken consciousness of something grater than themselves.

Like with hands tied behind my back I feel hostage.  Hostage of this decision. Or better put, indecision.  I become a hostage.  Hostage of my own body. Hostage of my own mind. Hostage of time. Hostage of the lack of time. Am I too late?

I become trapped. Hostile. Angry.  If i don'k make up my mind, I'll loose.  If I don't make up my mind quick, I won't belong anywhere.

 July 2017

July 2017